Hey everyone, how’s it going?
I’ve been somewhat MIA lately, and I have a very good reason. I recently decided, somewhat last minute, to sign up for Camp NaNoWriMo. It’s currently taking place during this month of April, and I’m in the midst of writing a 50,000 word … novel? Novella? I hope to finish 50k by the end of the month, at the very least. A part of me feels that I’ll end up writing past the 50k limit, but who knows?
For all my fellow writers out there, I have a question for you all. Are you scared of writing? Recently, I’ve been finding reasons to put off writing. I know I can write 10k in one sitting, I’ve done it before—especially when the inspiration hits, you know? But, whenever I open Scrivner, I get extremely anxious before I even type a single word in. And so, I find myself trying to find something else to do on the Internet instead of committing myself to write. For example, what I’m doing right now, haha. I’m just so extremely terrified, and I have no idea why.
Okay, maybe I have an inkling of an idea. I haven’t written anything substantial in quite some time. I’ve always ever written fanfic, and the last time I even wrote that was way back in 2010. So, the other day, when I was furiously typing away trying to get something onto paper, I found myself cringing at what I had written. Guys, I’m not going to lie to you… it was terrible. Absolutely and horrifically terrible. I was ashamed of myself because I knew I could do better. As I was writing, I desperately wanted to go back and edit and re-write, but I had to push myself forward. I knew that getting back into writing was going to be hard, I knew was going to be rusty but shit, I didn’t expect to sound like a bad fanfic writer.
And to make matters worse, I kept shifting between past and present tense. It’s like my head knows what’s right to make the story flow properly, but my writing style is just so comfortable in present tense! Ugh. I blame 2010 kpop fanfic writing, honestly. So, this is my dilemma. Do I continue in the past tense, as I’ve been doing so far (all 1800 words) or, do I say screw it to hell and write in the present tense? Let’s be real here, I’ve yet to read a single YA fantasy book in the present tense and honestly, I’m not even sure I would enjoy it unless the author pulled it off really, really well. And, if we’re still being real, I’m not sure I can be that author. Ugh. I know, I have my answer as to what to do but I’m still somewhat making a face, haha.
I know, my mind doesn’t shut up. If only it could shut up for at least an hour so I can write something decent. Maybe.
I also need to hunt down a beta, or several, actually. Does anyone have any suggestions as to a place where one might troll for one? I’ve signed up for scribophile, but I would also like to try other places. I basically need someone to hold my hand and yell and bitch at me, but also someone to bounce ideas off of. I’m not trying to get many people involved in my writing process (aka people in my real life) but, yeah.
Happy Friday!! I hope everyone else’s day is going better than my glum one.